Would you build a castle wall through the centre of your town square? No, because the centre (heart) of your town (identity) is encircled and never penetrated by the boundary; the stone wall exists in service of the square, and is always asserted and defended at the periphery, not the centre.

This post is high-level, and it’s about the subtle psychology of building and maintaining rock-solid personal boundaries.

Most people think of personal boundaries as defensive structures, but I don’t think this is true. There’s always an outward reach, there’s always an assertive extension before the defensive fortification.

Strong boundaries create distance from the vulnerable centre, and distance-based boundaries serve to protect and facilitate your sense of identity expansion as you continue to grow and evolve.

You grow your town by expanding at the border, not by dividing at the centre.

Let’s simplify things: what’s actually happening when you ‘build a boundary’ against or around something?

Most people think of boundaries as defence-oriented structures placed between ourselves and others to protect our Self and Soul. This type of thinking isn’t wrong, but it’s blind to the fact that boundaries are fundamentally assertive (extensive, offensive, outbound, self-extending).

Metaphorically speaking, building a wall always involves an assertive action: you’re laying down a barrier, lining up the bricks, or putting up the energetic forcefield, and all of these spatial metaphors speak to the significance of extending your energy into space (physical space, emotional space or cognitive space).

There’s always a reach, and the ground of the boundary is never the centre of the entity. You can’t build an expansive boundary between your own two feet, which means that you must make at least a moderately outbound step forwards (act of assertion).

You’ll start to notice these subtle momentum sensations if you pay close attention to your internal process when you’re choosing between two conflicting options.

Every choice cuts through cognitive space.

When you’re drawing up boundaries, you’re taking up territory (physical, emotional, cognitive) to establish a self-assertive claim for your personal interests, which is why you can’t build or maintain a boundary in the centre of an entity without causing fragmentation and sickness.

Historical example: the Berlin Wall, the wall which divided Germany into two separate entities during the 20th century.

Literally and symbolically, The Berlin Wall divided both the country and the continent because you cannot build a ‘self-defensive boundary’ through the centre of a country without dividing the entity into two (West Germany and East Germany), and this same principle applies directly to your ability to establish growth-oriented habits and routines which reinforce your sense of self identity.

“Okay, Jordan. Enough about the Berlin Wall, what does this all mean for my ongoing issues with building boundaries against my compulsive vices and questionable lifestyle choices?”

If you’re currently struggling with building and maintaining your personal boundaries, consider the possibility that you’re deficient in assertiveness, not clarity or compassion.

You need to learn how to push your consciousness.

Your boundaries will become robust when you understand the importance of asserting your intentions across the layers and levels your psyche without metaphorically dividing yourself in two.

There is always a reach, always a push.

The best boundaries are built at an arm's length from the most precious aspects of yourself; they are asserted at the periphery in the service of the centre (your heart, your soul).

Remember: there is no wall in the town centre.

Push your consciousness forwards, and build boundaries at the periphery.

Jordan