I haven’t eaten in 26 hours. It’s a 48 hour fast for Christmas, but the slowness subsided, and I feel a sudden surge of gratitude which I need to share with you.

Q: Who is the opposite of the Inner Critic?

A: The Inner Appreciator, and I know his voice because my Inner Critic went silent several years ago.

I don’t experience self-hating language or a shame-based narrative of myself, but I remember what those dark days used to feel like, and I want to give you a glimpse of your future on this inner work journey.

People talk about practicing gratitude, and I’ve truthfully never kept a gratitude journal, but I feel exceptionally thankful for the life I get to experience.

I appreciate my existence, and I want to show you my inner world.

You might not know this about me, and it’s somewhat strange to admit this, but I have a deeply-rooted practice of saying silent and sometimes vocal prayers of thanks upto several dozen times per day.

Spontaneous gratitude.

Positive intrusive thoughts.

In the privacy of my mind and the sanctity of my heart, I have a habit of scattering seeds of gratitude throughout the flow of my ordinary days: thank you to the Robin who wakes me from the bird box on my bedroom window; thank you to the water, the supplements, and the first sip of morning coffee which guide me into the day; thank you sun; thank you book; thank you client, and thank you student; thank you library, laptop and the work I get to enjoy.

Blessings, always blessings.

Thankful for the world around me.

Almost comedic - like a circus of gratitude?

I’ll frequently exclaim, often outloud and to nobody in particular, perhaps on a walk or during a quiet moment at my desk, “My God, can you believe that we have *insert thing*.”

Electricity. Supermarkets. Multiple Modes Of Transport. Historical Traditions. Canned Goods. Council Workers. The Printing Press.

I struggle to articulate the intensity, consistency, and ever-present quality of my positively-intrusive gratitude practice… it’s something like the healed opposite of the Inner Critic.

The Inner Appreciator, perhaps?

26 hours into this 48 hour fast between Winter Solstice and Christmas Day, and I feel the door of my soul opening into the chamber of clarity.

There’s a surge of vitality - not only physical vitality, the kind that lifts me from reading on the floor to writing these words on my feet - but also a distinct surge of spiritual vitality, a renewed sense of self within the world.

Tears gather behind my eyes.

Softened gaze, the corners of my lips turning skywards, I don’t think I’ve ever paused to articulate how often I say ‘thank you’ throughout the mundane moments of my everyday life.

It’s striking to reflect on my everyday gratitude practice, and I’m sad that more people don’t experience this kind of emotional reality. I want you to feel like this, or at least your version of inner peace.

The Inner Critic no longer runs the show, and it’s been like this for at least the last five years - maybe slightly less or slightly more, it’s linked to my sobriety and library journey, for sure.

Ultimately, I don’t want a slow or simple life, but I do want a clear and grateful life. I want to be able to read, create, and connect - to spend minimal minutes in states of anxiety or disconnection - and I’m fortunate to reflect that I already have this.

Time to share the gift,

Jordan

P.S. I’ve been working hard behind the scenes since I broke my fast this week, and 2025 is promising to be an exciting year for The Shadow Work Library. Join me on Sunday 5th, January.