I’ve planted a pinecone in my garden every Monday for the last three years. That’s over 150 pinecones in total, and I haven’t missed a single week of seeding my soil.

But none of my pinecones have risen from the dirt, and I think I need some help or some therapy.

Before reading further, I want you to know that I’ve never shared my gardening practices because I’m aware that I’m weird… and yet I’m not ashamed to admit that I dream of seeing a tall pine rise from my garden at its full potential.

I’m doing everything right, but something is wrong…

- My pinecones are high quality: they originate from a premium source, and I position them in the light at the start of each week for safety and nourishment.

- My pinecones are protected: I don’t allow anybody into my garden during the first four days of each new crop to prevent them from stealing my seeds.

- My pinecones are sanctified: the ground is always prepared with prayer and intention, but none of my seeds have sprouted from the soil.

Conditions are good, so I don’t know where things are going wrong, and I’m starting to feel frustrated at my lack of progress - maybe something is wrong with my weekly routine?

The start of the week is always a success, which leads me to suspect that I’ve been following the wrong gardening advice for what I need to do after the first few days of germination.

Every Friday, according to the advice of my local gardening group and pretty much everybody around me, I descend the steps into my garden and stomp the soil where I planted the pines on Monday morning.

Excessive activity, frantic movements.

I’ve always doubted the utility of stamping on my own seeds, but everybody else is doing this and there must be wisdom in the crowd?

Surely we wouldn’t smother our seeds if it wasn’t sensible?

I’ll admit that I used to cringe when I crushed my cones, but I’ve learned to enjoy the sensation of trampling over my own intentions.

I’ve started to enjoy the feeling of twisting the future into dust beneath my heels, and sometimes I take things to the next level.

Every now and again, when the soil is fully stamped, I like to indulge in the pleasure of pouring a little cap of bleach in a circle around and sometimes directly ontop of my seeds.

Don’t worry, I clean up the damage every Monday.

…

This post isn’t about pinecones.

I don’t have a weird gardening ritual.

This is an analogy for addiction.

I’m writing these words on Monday, and it’s my second week of attempting to heal myself from over twelve years of compulsive and unconscious YouTube video addiction.

With my mind as my metaphorical garden, I’m planting seeds and cultivating my insides at the start of this new week… and I’m praying that I haven’t crushed my consciousness with pointless and excessive activity when I get back online on Friday.

I’m praying that I haven’t stomped my own intentions.

I hope this week was different.

I hope this is the first of 150 weeks where I maintained my Monday mindset and refused to darken my spirit in the light of these screens.

One sapling must survive til’ Sunday.

Jordan